Blog 6
Daddy’s Girl
I’ve never had a relationship with my father. Nope. Never. We live in the same city, probably a five minute drive from one another. However, I don’t know his address, and I am sure that he barely remembers mine. I don’t know his phone number and who knows if he managed to program my in his phone –he damn sure doesn’t program me into his life.
I sometimes wondered if I would wind up dating an absentee man because my father was often MIA from my life. I am proud to say that I don’t go for men like my father –I tend to choose men like my Uncle’s –Dale, Lionel and Michael. All of them are my mothers brothers. All of them are family oriented, loving, funny, caring, handsome (yeah, I said handsome), smart, wise and so much more. Yep. These have been my father figures, the ones who helped me when the road got tough. These are the type of men that I like to date.
I know it seems kind of weird that I am blogging about my father, something so personal, so intimate for a class, however it was on my mind. I am on the verge of telling my father to kick rocks, don’t call me and I won’t call you, shut up, eff off, flip em the bird, good bye. I’ve been thinking about telling him that I don’t want him in my life any more, that I don’t care to speak to him. That if he sees me on the street then maybe he should, walk on by. That my life was better because he wasn’t apart of it.
But, how do you tell someone who you are supposed to love that? How do you tell your father of all people, that you want to have nothing to do with them? How do you tell them you were never a father to me –you were never there. How do you quote Carl Thomas (I wish I never met you at all) to your father. Yeah, some might say easy… But, for me, the way I love –its too damn hard.
Someone once told me, you’ll stop when you are tired of being tired. I’ve been tired for a while now, but I’m really tired of being tired today.
Peace.
